Commonly used phrases when tying a sari

We try and wear a sari every Saturday to school because it's not a full day of teaching and we usually don't do as much jumping up and down and stuff on a Saturday so it's a lot easier to wear it.  But that does mean having to tie it in the morning.  It's not as easy as we first thought.  Genuinely, a phrase I think was uttered when we first got our saris was "how hard can it be?" I can now honestly answer that.  It is very hard. Have you ever tried wrapping 8 meters of material around yourself elegantly? It doesn't work!! So after about an hour of frustration every Saturday we finally get our saris on correctly.  Well, we always think they're correct... But then we get to school and the UKG teacher, Prameela Miss, ushers us into the nursery and sorts us out.  Which usually involves the entire sari coming off and we just stand there in the petticoat and the blouse.  The only good thing about saris is that a lot of Indian woman also find them frustrating and difficult as well.  Some don't even know how to tie one.  They find them hard and just awkward to have to wear.  Most of them, me included, prefer to wear the trousers and leggings with a loose fitting top.  I decided to put together a wee list of the most common phrases we use when we try to put on our saris.  

"So...."
"Which way up does it go?"
"Is this the right end?"
"Wait, that looks like it should go at the another end."
"Which side do I start at?"
"But she only put it round once last time!"
"Stop! I'm standing on it!"
"Just chuck it over your shoulder."
"But I can't! It looks messy!"
"Do I pin it here? But that's way too low."
"How big should the pleats be again?"
"But why won't they do that the whole way down!!"
"Wait, are they too short?"
"It's come undone!"
"How does Prameela Miss do it?"
"She does this every day.  It can't be this hard."
"Aw, no.  I need a pee..."
"But why is not going over my shoulder properly?"
"When I pull this bit, this bit here mucks up."
"But I've got like this chest pocket bit!!"
"Why is it so hard to get the pleats to line up!?!"
"Is that too short?"
"Hang on, if I pull this bit.... Nope, that's just wrecked it." 
"Why won't it just work? "
"There is far too much of my stomach on show here"
"Have I got it?"
"Pin my shoulder."
"No, wait, unpin it.  This bit's wrecked."
"This is ridiculous!"
"Just lie right!"
"Is that right?"
"Na, this doesn't look right."
"Why!?"
"Ach, never mind.  It's almost there."
"It'll do."
"People wear these every day.. How?"
"This is so impractical."
"A length of material is just not an okay thing to wear."
"What?"
"Why?"
"Where...?"
"I don't understand!"

Please insert your own expletives.  Trust me, I've probably used them all.

After we finally managed to get them on