Bemused by India

On the 19^th of March, my Grandma came out to India to visit me for two weeks!  I’m writing this while she’s still here so I can directly quote her if needed. I asked her what she thought about everything so the quotes are at the end of the paragraphs

She arrived at 5 in the morning, which meant a very early rise for me.  So I met her at the airport and we had a bit of breakfast.  Which was a normal thing to do.  The airport is very normal looking and you can get loads of western food.  Then we had to get a taxi.  An introduction to Indian driving right there and then.  The beeping of the horns, the overtaking, the braking centimeters from the car in front, and the constant fearing for your life.  However I think there were seatbealts so it was already better than most cars.  Her reactions were amazing because they were probably what our reactions were at the start but it’s great to see them on someone else who’s seeing it for the first time.  A lot of intakes in breath and closing of the eyes and things like that.  And some beautiful facial expressions when the driver dumps the clutch for the 7^th time in a minute.   “So what would say about the driving Grandma?” “hahahahahahahahahaha. Oh.  Leaves a lot to be desired.  They could do with a course of driving instruction in the UK.  But, they never get road rage.”

She also experienced an auto ride within 2 hours of being in India.  Complete with the driver not knowing where he was going and having to ask for directions.  “Oh they’re something else… They try to rip you off.  And again your life is in your hands”

I think something that she’s having trouble with, like me, are the dogs.  They’re everywhere and it doesn’t get any easier seeing loads of stray dogs about the place when you’re used to seeing them in loving homes and just being healthy.  Not being scared of humans, dodging traffic and sleeping in rubbish piles.  “Aw, I’ll just bring them all home.”

The rubbish is something else.  She was wondering why they don’t have bins until she watched a man throw his cup on the ground while standing right next to a bin.  “Oh the rubbish, yes.  Could be a beautiful country without it.”

Let’s not even get started on the heat.  It’s starting to get too hot for me as well.  Well, in Bangalore it’s not at the moment but we went to Cochin and the humidity was ridiculous.  Literally feeling sweat running down your neck while you do nothing is not pleasant in the slightest.  It’s horrible living in 41 degrees.  But I was in a room with the aircon down at 19 and I was getting quite chilly… We were hopping from shade to shade in Hampi and sighing with relief whenever there was a breeze in Cochin.  “What can one say about the heat..? Has to be felt to be appreciated.  Or not appreciated as the case may be.”

Like most people, the mosquitoes are the bane of life.  And like me, she’s enjoying catching them with one hand.  “Please refrain from swearing Grandma”  “Hmmm.. Lovely little things.  I’m sure they have a function in life, although as yet I don’t know what it is..”

Some quotes from Grandma

“In general though they’re quite a friendly race”

“Having pictures of India is nothing compared to the real thing.  The sights, smells.  The sheer terror of being driven…”

“It’s not a place to come if you want to lie on the beach and sunbathe.  But remember the suncream..  Factor 60 ”

Annual Day!

Last Saturday was Annual Day at the school.  What is Annual Day?  I still don’t know.  We’ve been asked if Annual Day is the same in Scotland and we don’t even know what it is to give an equivalent. 

On the lead up to Annual Day there was about three weeks of almost continual dance practice.  And although this meant that I didn’t have to do much teaching, it also meant that I was sitting around, doing nothing, watching the same dances and listening to the same music over and over again.  It got pretty wearing.  I think even the kids were bored of it by the end of it.  All the kids who were taking part were also getting new clothes for the day to do the dances in.  Meaning the teachers had to choose the clothes.  Now, as much as I love some of the Indian clothes, I can confirm that Indians have no taste in clothes.  They really don’t know what looks good and what children should be wearing.  There were some interesting outfits when annual day arrived.

On the day of Annual Day we were taken to a beauty parlor to have our saris tied properly so they wouldn’t fall down and to have our make up done as well.  It turns out that Annual Day is a pretty big deal.  They tied the sari so well, I’ve actually never worn when it looks that flattering.  And nothing in India looks flattering.  But it was really good.  Although, they did use about 9 pins to keep it up.  However, the make up, so not so good.  Well, the eyeliner was, but they put this weird red eye shadow on which was rubbed off as soon as I got out the parlor. 

We rocked up at Annual Day hour after we were supposed to be there but it turned out they were still putting up the stage so it wasn’t too bad.  And the rain delayed things for a wee bit as well.  However finally it looked like things we getting there!  And our two other friends who are also working in Bangalore came as well because their host knows our host.  So that was really nice.  We had someone to talk to and share our emergency biscuits with. 

The kids had been practicing these dances for ages so they were perfect and they were amazing. They were so good at dancing.  Even though I had seen the dances so many times, it was nice to finally see it all put together with the costumes and the stage and everything.  And the nursery kids dancing to 500 miles by The Proclaimers was brilliant.  Even after a last practice the day before when for some reason they just couldn’t remember the steps Sarah had taught them.  They aren’t really anyways to describe Annual Day so pictures will have to do.

Red Nose Day

My brownies have sent me out a couple of parcels with some craft stuff and ideas so I really wanted to do some before the school term finished.  One of the suggestions I was given was some paper mache.  After a long conversation with my mum, we came up with making some red noses for Red Nose Day because she was sending me out a Red Nose so I didn’t feel left out.  She then also decided to send out some Red Noses for the class I was making them with. 

I made the noses with my 3^rd standard class because I have them most often and because there are only 13 of them, I figured I could control them better around the flour and water paste than I could with the younger class of 24.  I’ve done some weird things already this year but sitting on my bed whisking flour and water together while asking Sarah if it looks like a glue like consistency is now top of the list.   

It took about five days to get the noses finished.  They plastered the newspaper around the ends of the bottles and then painted them.  It got a lot messier than I would have like and I now no longer want flour anywhere near my hands again.  I think I still have some embedded there.  But the noses were finally finished on Tuesday and the kids could wear them.  If they could forget about the horrible smell of dried flour.. 

They were really amused by the noses, so were most of the kids from the other classes who kept asking what I was making.  However they really don’t understand when you say you’re making noses. 

Explaining Red Nose Day to the kids was fun as well.  I think they now think it’s a big Scottish festival that is played on TV every year.  I was wished Happy Red Nose Day hundreds of times today as well. 

I handed out the noses to the kids yesterday so they would have them in time for Red Nose Day and they absolutely loved them!  They were rather bemused though I have to say.  But they’re faces were amazing when they opened the packets and could play with them.  It’s just something that’s really different and they love it.  And even the class teacher got her Red Nose and was really made up as well.    After a tantrum or two when someone didn’t get the nose they wanted, I managed to organise a class photo!  

 He was determined to to his red nose

 "But Miss it's broken" "No it's not, just put it on..."

 This is my favourite photo of the day.  Soundarya, Tanuja and Vidya

You take my class now

Despite having timetables and being told we have to stick to them, very often we’re just asked by one of the teachers, or the pupils to take their class.  This can mean anything from just minding the class for 10 minutes, to taking them all day with absolutely nothing to teach them.  I can confirm that my improvisation skills have come on leaps and bounds in the last five months.

One of the worst times we’ve had to take a class was the day that both of the nursery teachers were off, so Sarah and I were left both LKG and UKG by ourselves.  A group of about 35 3-6 year olds children.  The UKG teacher had told Sarah that she would be off so Sarah had the chance to at least partly prepare herself for what was to come, but I had no idea the LKG teacher was not going to be there.  Which was a fabulous present to get that morning.  The LKG class is slightly larger than UKG but the kids don’t really have the English skills UKG have.  Although, with LKG you can often just tell them to sleep and they do it.  Perfect for when I was just sitting on a chair at the front freaking out over what I could teach them and wondering how many times I could realistically listen to “Johnny Johnny yes papa” before I would have to go and find Johnny and his father and murder them.

The thing about Indian teaching is that you can prepare so much but that could all go out the window the minute you turn up at school and a child comes running up to you saying “no teacher miss.”  What I’ve discovered works really well is spelling tests.  They take up loads of time so you can mentally go through every lesson plan you’ve ever done, or even just thought about in passing so you can prepare for the next seven hours.

The kids get bored, I get bored.  I end up unable to even think up new words for the game splat.  It just goes down-hill.  I have so much more respect for Primary School teachers who deal with the same class all day, every day.  I am really not built for that at all.  I have a shorter attention span than the kids.  Which is good because they get lots of different activities in a forty minute lesson.

Commonly used phrases when tying a sari

We try and wear a sari every Saturday to school because it's not a full day of teaching and we usually don't do as much jumping up and down and stuff on a Saturday so it's a lot easier to wear it.  But that does mean having to tie it in the morning.  It's not as easy as we first thought.  Genuinely, a phrase I think was uttered when we first got our saris was "how hard can it be?" I can now honestly answer that.  It is very hard. Have you ever tried wrapping 8 meters of material around yourself elegantly? It doesn't work!! So after about an hour of frustration every Saturday we finally get our saris on correctly.  Well, we always think they're correct... But then we get to school and the UKG teacher, Prameela Miss, ushers us into the nursery and sorts us out.  Which usually involves the entire sari coming off and we just stand there in the petticoat and the blouse.  The only good thing about saris is that a lot of Indian woman also find them frustrating and difficult as well.  Some don't even know how to tie one.  They find them hard and just awkward to have to wear.  Most of them, me included, prefer to wear the trousers and leggings with a loose fitting top.  I decided to put together a wee list of the most common phrases we use when we try to put on our saris.  

"So...."
"Which way up does it go?"
"Is this the right end?"
"Wait, that looks like it should go at the another end."
"Which side do I start at?"
"But she only put it round once last time!"
"Stop! I'm standing on it!"
"Just chuck it over your shoulder."
"But I can't! It looks messy!"
"Do I pin it here? But that's way too low."
"How big should the pleats be again?"
"But why won't they do that the whole way down!!"
"Wait, are they too short?"
"It's come undone!"
"How does Prameela Miss do it?"
"She does this every day.  It can't be this hard."
"Aw, no.  I need a pee..."
"But why is not going over my shoulder properly?"
"When I pull this bit, this bit here mucks up."
"But I've got like this chest pocket bit!!"
"Why is it so hard to get the pleats to line up!?!"
"Is that too short?"
"Hang on, if I pull this bit.... Nope, that's just wrecked it." 
"Why won't it just work? "
"There is far too much of my stomach on show here"
"Have I got it?"
"Pin my shoulder."
"No, wait, unpin it.  This bit's wrecked."
"This is ridiculous!"
"Just lie right!"
"Is that right?"
"Na, this doesn't look right."
"Why!?"
"Ach, never mind.  It's almost there."
"It'll do."
"People wear these every day.. How?"
"This is so impractical."
"A length of material is just not an okay thing to wear."
"What?"
"Why?"
"Where...?"
"I don't understand!"

Please insert your own expletives.  Trust me, I've probably used them all.

After we finally managed to get them on