The first three months are definitely the hardest.

They told us the first three months would be the hardest.  They weren't kidding. Although, I'm sure they weren't meaning it would be like this.

So, the first three months here have been spent getting used to this completely new, different and strange country that is India.  Getting used to the people, the culture, the food, the heat, the traffic, the shops, everything.  I've also had to learn how to be a teacher, to discipline classes, to avoid getting snot on my hand from 4 year olds, to teach maths, to teach rather complicated grammar, to try not to pass out when teaching Ceilidh dancing to 8th standard.  It's been a challenge.  But that was what Project Trust said to expect.  And I did. I knew it would be tough, I don't have my family and all my friends to fall back on and turn to when I want to ductape a child to the wall. (Sarah was no help.  We just discussed different methods)

But all that has been a relative doddle compared to why it's been so hard.  So you know I've lost my Grandad and my dogs, but I also lost my Gran in the middle of November.  Hearing news like that over skype is so hard can I just tell you.  And I've now had far too much practice at it.

My Gran had stroke induced dementia and had been slowly deteriorating for a good few years now.  And some time early in the week of the 17th of November she had another stroke and never really regained consciousness.  And then she passed away at the end of the week and her funeral was on the 27th of November.

I love my Gran.  She had no patience at all.  Whenever we had tea at their house, the oven would be opened 20 times while something was cooking to check if it was done.  It obviously was not and it meant dinner took so much longer!  Dinner was always Wee Willy Winky sausages and crinkle cut chips with some vegetables.  Until my mum had to tell my gran that we were actually a bit old for Wee Willy Winky sausages.  She would always bake these chocolate cakes that had a really distinct taste.  I've never had a chocolate cake tastes like Gran and Papa's that wasn't made by them.  And Shortbread!  Maybe that's one of the reasons why shortbread is one of my favourite foods ever.  We were always given a tub full.  And the tubs were so hard to open.  Meaning I could never steal a piece because I could never open the box...

Gran seemed to always be wearing either black and white stripey tops or navy and white stripey tops.  I've told Sarah not to let me buy one.  Ever.

She was so stubborn.  So stubborn.  Even when she was in the nursing home and the hospital.  She would refuse dinner but finish a pack of biscuits in a minute.  She would determinedly tell you something and if you dared tried to contradict her or disagree you had better be ready for what was coming.

When she was in the nursing home, she would always say that I was very beautiful.  She would always say that Morna and I were looking very beautiful.  She even managed to say it when I was stuffing ice cream into my mouth once and I was not looking my most beautiful.  She may not have been 100% sure on the details of my life, but I was always her beautiful Granddaughter.

She had an amazing smile and I have a wonderful picture of her on my wall.  It looks like she's looking right at me and she just looks really happy.

To be honest, I don't really know how I'm coping.  And, because I've done this before, you know what I'm like with feelings.  It's ridiculously difficult to know what your family are going through at home, what you're going through in a foreign country and you can't be together.  I really can't even begin to explain how I felt.  Partly because I don't know how I felt and partly because I still can't do feelings.

So to sum up what my overwhelming feeling was, it was,"what the hell?" That was the only thing I could think of.  I lost my Grandad and I thought that was one of the worst things I could deal with.  Then I found out my dog Cal had died and it kinda tore me up.  Then finding out that Holly had died as well made me question of I was somehow cursed or something.  And then hearing that my Gran had passed away was almost more than I could take.  I have no idea how I managed things.  I'm not going to lie, I spent the vast majority of the next week on autopilot. Not fully aware of everything and only answering what I had to, but I wasn't 100% sure of my answers.

That was when I was sick of India.  I didn't want to deal with Indian people and living in a house full of them makes that a real problem.  I couldn't leave the room when I first found out.  Sarah, who was amazing, had to go out and tell the family and tell them I didn't want dinner.  The next day I was asked if I was "feeling better."  I know that all Indians just want to smother you with love and spicy food but I couldn't handle that.  That was when my crying in the bathroom started again.  I was not feeling better and I've not felt completely myself since.

I'm determined to finish my year, enjoy every moment and every little thing, have a lot of fun and be happy.  And I will, and I've managed quite well I think.  But that doesn't mean that it's not so hard to always keep smiling.  I don't want people to worry about me, go out of their way to try and cheer me up because they think I might be a wee bit down.  And Indians are particularly bad for that.  I can never let on that occasionally, I feel like kinda torn up.

This should not ever put someone who's thinking of coming on a a gap year off, I've just been really damn unlucky.  But everyone has been amazing at helping me. Sarah here has been great.  Because it's happened before, she now knows exactly what I'm like and has been amazing at deflecting conversation and me going "I really have no idea how I feel."  Everyone I spoke to at Project Trust, Tom my desk officer and John who I spoke to twice who was really so helpful and amazing.  And obviously, all my family back home.  My mum and dad, Morna, Jamie and everyone I spoke to and everyone I didn't manage to speak to.

And I'm going to stay here for the whole 12 months because my Gran was stubborn, so I have to be more stubborn and not let her down.

It's Beginning to look a lot like Chistmas

Christmas time in India is not like Christmas time at home.   For a start back home when it's 2 degrees and snowing, it's 28 here all the time and we don't want to sleep with blankets.  As much as I thought I would quite enjoy the heat, I miss the cold! I miss having to wear layers to keep warm and having the heating on and wanting to drink hot drinks and seeing my breath.  The weather doesn't change and it's really strange.  Is it bad I just want a dull day?  I want to wear a jumper without sweating out my body weight.

It doesn't feel really Christmassy because we're not bombarded with Christmas adverts, lights, and music. But we're trying our best.  We've decorated our room, made paper chains for the classrooms and we're constantly playing the Michael Buble Christmas album.  But even with our advent calendars and tinsel, it's still not the same.

Decorating the classrooms is a health and safety hazard.  It really is.  The kids throw scissors around and I think one ate some glue. To get the paper chains on the wall someone has to stand on a bench, which is already unstable to sit on, balance and carefully stick the paper to the wall.  I offered to do this to stop a child doing it but they insisited they would do it.  So a couple of ninth standard boys spent five minutes cheating death. I maybe made it a little bit worse though.  To stop the bench tipping, a couple of the younger kids were sitting on it.  And one wee boy, Mugesh, was pretending to be a car. So I may have grabbe his arms, pretended he was cornering really fast and maybe made the bench tip slightly.  I do feel bad but no one was injured! I walked into 10th standard one day to find a bench up on its end, and a boy called Kiran perched on the top sticking paper chains to the ceiling while his friend Praveen held on loosely with one hand.  It was very interesting.

There's also a crib outside the office the now with some grass in it.  (Honestly, we're more confused than anyone.) It was made by some of the tenth standard boys using some wood they'd collected from the woods they were using a knife, wirecutters and chopping the wood where five year olds were walking.   

I now can't wait to go away for Christmas.  It might make it feel a bit more Christmassy.  Because sitting around invigilating exams where the kids will talk anyway will not get you in the festive mood!

Also, this appeared the other day.  We have no idea.  So many questions. 

Dogs

So, in November, I lost both my dogs. And again I had to get the news via skype.

Cal and Holly

My oldest dog Cal died first.  He passed away fairly quickly. My mum went up to find him one evening and he was lying in such an awkward way.  So they took him to the vet, and he was slipping in and out of consciousness.  Apparently by taking him to the vet it only cut his life by a few hours, if that. We always knew that he was going, even when I was still at home. It was funny to watch sometimes though. He would sit and stare at walls for ages.  He once barked at an open door as if to be let in and Morna had to pretend to open it to let him in.  Taking him for walks was frustrating I have to say.  He was usually fine when he was properly out in the woods but getting him home was painful.  I'm not even kidding when I say that tortoises would have overtaken him.  I once got a new high score on a a game on my phone while out for a walk with him.  That shows you how much time I had.  It may have even been flappy bird..  But he always wanted a hug and for you to clap him.  He was more than happy to sit next to you curl up and be clapped.  He used to sleep on my bed when I was younger and when I got my room done up and I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor, I would frequently wake up to this comforting weight at my feet.  We got him from a rescue centre we never his past. But it never mattered, he was always our dog. Always will be.

         Cal at the dinner table at home

Now, Holly.  Anyone who knew her would agree with the description coined by my dad, "happy but thick." She really was.  She was the happiest dog you've ever met. Really. She died a few weeks after Cal. She had some lumps in her chest and it just made her breathing so hard. The coughing had been keeping my mum and dad up at night. It wasn't nice and then it just got to the point where it wasn't fair for Holly. But she was a Lab until the end. Scoffed her breakfast and had all the available treats.  She would always drool whenever you were making her dinner the point where you had to make really fast to avoid slipping on drool if you moved at all.  She was one of the most annoying dogs to clap because, unlike Cal, she would not sit still. Ever. She'd change position, she come and lick your arm and your face and she'd just manage to make a nuisance of herself. But she'd love to play. She always loved to play. No matter what. And if you asked someone how old they thought she was, they would always say something younger. I remember her playing with a three month old Tibetan Mastiff and even though Holly was 9 she tired out the puppy. She would always go charging up to other dogs to get them play but she would just frighten the hell out of them. She was so thick that she wouldn't take signals from other dogs that it was time to stop playing. There was one time my dad had her out for walk and they met another dog.  Holly sat in front of this other dog and hit her in the face like "play with me". The dog growled. But Holly put one paw on the dogs shoulder, then the other paw. So Holly was quite happily sitting there wagging her tail while the other dog bared her teeth.  We thought we would try and train her when we first got her, but was a mistake. She stayed in the puppy class for three years and then the guy who ran the class took pity on my dad and moved Holly up a group.  One night at the training my dad turned round to find Holly with a German Shepard's head in her mouth. A habit she continued for the rest of her life. Whenever she was in the house you could always tell. Whenever I was on study leave or just around the house I always knew she was there if I needed to take a break or take my mind off something. She was amazing for that. She was comfort whenever I needed it. Except whenever she came into my room in the middle of the night to throw up.

It was one thing saying goodbye to my dogs for a year thinking I'd be back, but it was another being told I'd never actually see them again.  I've had a dog my whole life and I now don't know what I'm going to do without one.  Even if everything changed, I knew I always had a dog as a constant. But now I don't.  Anyone who has or has had a dog will completely understand. It's a part of your life that completes everything. They literally are part of your family and it kinda feels like it's been ripped a wee bit more. I hate it.

It makes it so much harder here because of the amount of stray dogs all around the place.  Even before mine died I had trouble dealing with it.  They are everywhere. It's something that I just did not expect at all and I've had real trouble with it. Some of the dogs look fairly okay but some really really don't.  So many walk with a limp, some have legs missing, many have half a tail and loads seem to have skin infections. I've seen some with sores on them that are so infected you know the dog's not going to last long at all. There was even one with it's eye missing, looking horrible and eaten with flies.  I try not too look to carefully but I have seen some dead dogs. It breaks my heart when I see them wandering the streets because they should have a home and a family to look after them. But they're just lying on the roads and eating rubbish to stay alive.  It's not fair and I just want to cuddle them all and take them home. Sarah now thinks that I have a dog radar because I just seen to turn around at the right time to see a dog.  But I just love them so much. It's the fact that they're also so scared of people because people here hit them and throw things at them. They just have no concept of animal abuse. I hate it so much. These dogs just need help.

Outside our school there are always lots of dogs.  There are some that are always here and don't really seem to leave.  It helps that there is a rubbish pile right next to the school.  With the pack of dogs here there are some puppies.  There are two older ones and then three younger ones who must be about 4 months.  And if I am not forcibly stopped then I will be bringing them back to Scotland.  Because they are the cutest, loviest puppies ever.  Some of the kids now know how much I love them and insist on pointing them out to me "Miss, puppies!" Which I don't mind at all. I could watch them all day.  One of the girls in 10th Standard has even invited me round to play with her German Shepard called Dusky. And I am so going to take her up on that offer.  I need to play with some dogs.  I've even named the puppies that live outside the school.  There's Pompadom, Olaf and Deekshith. And they're beautiful.

I think I'll always miss my dogs and that living somewhere with almost as many stray dogs as people will be a problem.  I literally do not know how I'm supposed to deal with it but I do know that if you have a dog, I will be coming to visit you when I get home.

Even on the school trip to a dam, there were still dogs

Some amazing person put out some food for the puppies

Pompadom

Pompadom and Olaf

Morna took this about a month ago in the woods behind Stirling Uni

St Andrew's Day Week

 As one of our international days, we decided  we'd celebrate St Andrew's Day.  There were a few wee issues with this though.  One, St Andrew's Day was on a Sunday but we could work around that and two, most of the kids think that Scotland is a far north state in India.

But, we decided to go for it! After some brief planning we had our itinerary for the week.

Monday 24th November - differences between Scotland and India

Tuesday 25th November - story of St Andrew, Scottish Story book, draw Saltires

Wednesday 26th November - make a giant Nessie

Thursday 27th November - Scotland maps. Draw a thistle

Friday 28th November - Draw tartan, tartan paper weaving, Scottish music and Scottish songs

Saturday 29th November - Watch Brave

So we painted our nails as Scotland flags and started St Andrew's Day Week.

Monday.

The differences between Scotland and India. Everything. Nothing is the same. Nothing.  If you can think of something I can guarantee it will be different in India.  Feel free to test me of you want.  So, this is the basic list I came up with to make it simple.

Tuesday.

So I discovered that there's very little about dear St Andrew.  So that was very hard.  And the fact that he never went to Scotland makes it all the more confusing to try and teach 8 year olds.  "Yes, he's the saint of Scotland... But he lived in the Middle East and then died in Greece.  I know you probably have no idea where those are either.  Just roll with me."
Sarah brought this amazing pop-up book about Scotland with her.  It's so good and the kids love it.  We've even read it to some of the older kids. The 15 year olds.  But it's so helpful.  It has tartan, tossing the caber, highland cows, bagpipes and castles.  So the kids learnt about Robert the Bruce, Greyfriars Bobby ("I know that story Miss!" "Really Reena..? Okay..") and the Loch Ness Monster. I say learnt, they were told it and I really can't say how much was absorbed. Sarah showed her fourth standard class the page with Stirling Castle on it and said that I lived near there and something got a wee bit lost in translation and now the class think I live in Stirling Castle.
Then we drew lots of Scottish flags!  Some better than others. Parminas still likes orange.

 1st Standard

 Parminas and orange

 Chandana in 1st

 5th Standard

Wednesday.

Wednesday was a fun day.  We made a giant Nessie collage.  Trying to explain that Nessie is a monster but we name it and refer to it affectionately was rather difficult. I was also told that it was am Anaconda. Nope. Not correct.
But all the kids loved colouring and sticking tissue paper.  They love doing something different so it was so lovely to see it.  But I did have to refrain myself from taking the crayon and colouring it for them because I love colouring.  Even 10th Standard enjoyed doing a section.  At the end of the day we stuck it all together and finally got to see what it looked like.  It looked amazing.  I have to say.  I'm so proud of what we managed to do.  So Nessie is now stuck to the outside of the school for all to see!

Thursday.

I showed the kids a big map of Scotland and pointed out all the important places.  Edinburgh, Glasgow, Niamh Miss house, Sarah Miss house, where Nessie lives.  My third standard class actually made up a song comprised only of the word Tullibody.
Explaining that the Thistle is national flower of Scotland was made remarkably easy by the fact that the kids really know that they're national flower is a Lotus.  I didn't try and explain that like the Tiger is their national animal, the Unicorn is ours because I'm not sure they would have got that really.

Friday

Tartan day! Without physically having any tartan (literally as I wrote this, I remembered I have some tartan and now I feel like an idiot) it was difficult.  And my drawing skills aren't really up to tartan.  I did try.  I got some interesting pieces back from first standard though.
In third I was doing paper weaving instead of drawing and at least that is more recognisable as tartan.  They quite enjoyed it as well when they worked out how to do it..

We taught them Flower of Scotland which went surprisingly well.  Third know it really well now and first know the tune.  But there are some kids who sing it so badly that even I am better. I had three teachers watching as I sang it and first sang the tune and danced around.  One of the teachers even joined in the dancing and they were so pleased to be an audience.

Saturday.

This was an easy day.  We just sat them down in front of my laptop and they watched Brave.  They really enjoyed it when they weren't talking.  They said "WOW!" when I told them it was Scotland and pointed out the tartan and the tossing the caber.  Which I was pleased about because that means they actually took something in during the week!


I really enjoyed doing all the Scottish stuff.  It was so good to talk about Scotland and tell them all about my home country.  It made me feel so proud of it and it made me realise again how proud I am to be Scottish.

Chipmunk

One of my best friends Catherine got me a wee chipmunk cuddly toy from her holiday in Florida this summer. Now, it may not have been the use she had in mind for it but I use it for the kids.  I use it to make them behave, stop crying, sit quietly and teach them about describing things.

It's a wonderful thing.  There have been kids who have been sobbing and all I've had to do is bring out the chipmunk and they smile. This has happened twice with a wee boy in LKG called Daniel. When nothing else will get him to stop crying, the chipmunk will.  The LKG kids love it and have even started raking through my bag to find it.  I also used it to teach parts of the body.  Forgetting the fact that chipmunks and humans have very different bodies.

I've used the chipmunk in first and third standard to teach them about describing things.  And it actually worked surprisingly well.  They came up with some good answers after I prompted them.  "Chipmunk has a red nose" "Chipmunk is soft" "Chipmunk has big teeth" etc.

They get to hold the chipmunk if they've been good or if it's their birthday and they love playing with it. They make it bite their finger or make it scurry around the table.  They even try to do it's hair and just cuddle it.

One of the best things that Chipmunk has done though was with a wee boy called Punith Kumar in 1st Standard.  There was one day when a lot of the classes were sitting together in one classroom and despite being told not to run around, all the kids were tearing around the classroom. Then Punith Kumar tripped and a wee girl called Jenifer fell over him and hit her head off the corner of the bench and split her head open, so there was a lot of blood.  Just to let you all know, Jenfier is fine, it turned out to only be a wee cut and she's back at school and you can hardly see the mark.  But all the class were quite shaken up by it you could really see that. And Punith Kumar in particular.  He's usually a really happy smiley wee boy who is always laughing but he was really quiet, not smiling at all and he looked really pale.  I couldn't get him to speak at all and he hardly looked at anyone.  There was nothing I could do until I remembered Chipmunk.  So, Punith Kumar got Chipmunk.  It took a while but eventually he started playing with it, slowly starting to talk and then he started to smile and after a while, he was laughing again.  The kids really need things like that and the fact that the Chipmunk managed to get him smiling again when I thought he was possibly going to be sick, was just amazing.  I couldn't believe it but it really worked.  So thank you so much Catherine!